# 31 - 7 Rules You Were Born to Break

Episode 31

[00:00:00] :  Okay. Hi, Here I am. It's Episode 31. And guess what? I just recorded off 40 minute episode, but I didn't. I literally just finished. Ah, whole episode and I looked down at my recording device and I thought I had turned it on, but I didn't. So I'm sitting here. You're literally What you're hearing is me in full on reaction of wanting to throw my device through the window because I just spent 40 minutes laying on you. This wonderful episode I was excited, toe upload, and there was nothing there. Oh, my God. Okay, so now I have to decide what to dio. Episode 31 Rick Lewis Here I am. Follow through Formula podcast And do I want to try and start over and talk about everything that I just went through for 40 minutes, or should I totally switch track and do something else? I'm totally stumped in this moment. That's really funny, because I just spent 40 minutes talking to myself and ostensibly, that's what I'm doing anyway because you're not right here, but because I know people are going to be listening to it. I don't think of it as just talking to myself, but literally. What I just did for 40 minutes was just talk to myself with no result to show for it. Ah, now I gotta look at my device to see that it's okay. Yes, it is recording, she whiz. Okay, so what it waas that I started talking about and I thought would be a good idea for me to review. Today is a book that I wrote 10 years ago in 2000 and nine when the economy crashed and I I reviewed some of how this came down in the episode called Fierce Advice From My Pregnant Wife, where my wife advised me instead of becoming a Web designer at that point, which is one idea I had when I lost all my presentation work, she said, You need to double down and go back to your presenting work and actually become a speaker. At that point, I was I was just working as an entertainer, and that was the birth of my speaking authoring career. Because I wrote this book at that point to facilitate this transition into becoming a speaker called Seven Rules. You were born to break and seven rules. You were born to break is a collection of stories, many of which you've heard in the process of these episodes. But there are even Mawr stories in the book that illustrate what I observed are seven hidden rules in our culture. That is ways we unconsciously behave that we all just accept. This is the right way to behave in our culture, and we follow along and don't question these behaviors, even though the rules undermine our ability to show up with our highest potential is a person. All seven of these rules disable our highest contribution in our lives. So I thought it would be a good idea just to review what those rules are and share them with you but review them for myself. Because right now I'm at this point where I've been for eight months without work, because all my speaking work got canceled in March when co vid was really getting traction and I haven't been making any money in eight months. We're living off of savings, and I've been trying to keep a stiff upper lip and just be positive and tell myself you've been through times like this before. You'll get through it, you'll find something new, and even this podcast is has been a way of exploring what other avenues they may have to being able to, uh, inspire and coach and speak and earn a living from it. But I have to admit that underneath my, uh, effort to keep my spirits up, I'm scared. It's scary, not toe. Have any job? Any work and toe have significant expenses from month to month and no way to meet them. Except thank God we have savings at this point. But these air retirement savings I'm spending the money that's been saved for our retirement, and it's scary to be doing that and not yet have found a lot of replacement income. I started the follow through formula course and opened up the life leap community, and there's the beginning of some movement there for income that way, which is great, but it's it's a small start. I'm basically starting, Ah, whole new business from scratch and you don't get up and running with really solid income in a new business overnight. It takes some time, so I'm in the middle of this right now and I've been with I would say, a little bit of semantic energy, just plowing forward and trying things. But some of that mania and that drive, which is easy for me to get into, is over the top of some riel fear. I'm scared and disappointment. I feel really sad that I don't get to do something that I'm really good at and that people pay me well for I've been doing for years and refining my ability to deliver as a speaker for live events that was really working, and that's gone. That was just wiped off the map in one stroke by Cove. It and I just can't help but think how many other people in the world are in the position that I'm in. People whose livelihood is depend on being able to get together face to face with people, anyone who provides value or service. That requires proximity to other human beings, which we might say is one of the most valuable forms of service face to face or body to body contact, serving other people and those who can't do that now who are really good at what they do, whether it's giving massages or coming in cleaning people's homes or people who own restaurants, and it just goes on and on. There's so many professions that are struggling and hurting, and people don't have income right now and are scared about what's next. I'm in this position and I'm pedaling hard and fast to reinvent myself, and ultimately, I think that's going to be possible. I have confidence in faith in my own ability to do that, but it hasn't gotten the kind of traction yet that gets us out of the woods. And if you've got a job, bless you and thank your like, just be grateful that you've got paying work right now. So it was in this vein that I was thinking I could use a review of my own book that I wrote 10 years ago in one of these transition times. That was a big struggle, and I was out of work and had to reinvent myself. A za speaker and I came up with this way of codifying what I had learned from my years as a street performer and, um, a corporate presenter. As a comedian, I have seen and observe these ways that we undermine ourselves by following these hidden rules, and so I'm going to share with the seven rules are with you, but I'm kind of reviewing them for myself to see which of these rules would be good for me to pay attention to right now. So the seven hidden rules that start rule number one the first rule that you were born to break because that's the title of the book that I mentioned that the title of the book is seven rules. You were born to break how intelligent misbehavior can help you and your organization thrive. The first rule was be normal. The first rule you are born to break is be normal. You are you That's probably obvious. But in our actions, in our behavior and in our expression, we don't always act that way. We try and fit in rather than authentically be ourselves. How we dress, how we talk, how we behave, how we vote, how we act in a meeting, how we drive down the street. I guess being normal is good when you're driving down the street. So strike that there There are ways we want to be normal and follow some laws. But there are other ways where, where we're at our best when we express ourselves individually and authentically and not just trying to fit in with everybody else. Of course, on actual, even a cellular level, as mammals where tribal creatures were designed to fit in and and stay with the herd. Because we survive better when were grouped together and looking out for each other. And when we're part of the tribe and included in the herd, we feel safer and we are safer. So there's a part of us cellular early that just wants to fit in and not be ostracized or excluded from the group because that feels like impending death to us. So we're wired toe, look around Thea, others around us and fit in and look like them and speak like them and move like them. We want to be like those who are we identify with is our tribe, so that's part of being normal. But when that unconsciously gets extended to our giving opinions and perspectives and points of view that air Onley coming from wanting to fit in instead of being authentic to us, that's where we get disabled because we allow our fears of being excluded to cause us to speak things that aren't really true and support things we don't really support and take action on things that aren't really important to us. So the first rule you were born to break is be normal. And each of these rules that I named in the book have a corresponding action of intelligent misbehavior. And this is the thing you can do to break the rule and the action of intelligent misbehavior. For the rule, be normal is to be authentic. Express yourself with authenticity aligned to your riel values and concerns and perspectives and insights. So that's rule number one. Rule number two that you were born to break is avoid missed aches. This is a rule were taught toe follow from early in our lives, Maybe mostly through the educational system were given tests where graded on getting things right, not on discovery and exploration And curiosity, of course, is human beings. This is how we're hardwired. Kids are born with born with an insatiable curiosity and desire to explore, and they will try almost anything. They're gonna put anything and everything into their mouth. They're gonna touch stuff, they're gonna move it, they're gonna climb on top of it, they're going to look inside of it. They're gonna move it around and manipulate it because they want to find out. How does this world work? And that's how we're hardwired as human beings is to try new things. And that's the action of intelligent misbehavior in relationship to this hidden rule that we now follow his adults because we get trained to follow it, which is avoid mistakes. Get it right, get the answer on the test right so that you get the passing grade, don't explore other answers. Don't explore other avenues. Just get it right and avoid the mist. Ake. So that's a rule that were born to break because that's the way we keep growing as a human being all our lives, not just a skids. The third rule you were born to break is be independent. This is a rule that says you get more points or more credit if you do things on your own without having to ask without needing to get somebody else to help you. You're the one who shines when you did that, and then you get to say I did this. The rule be independent Somehow in our culture is a rule that makes it difficult for us to ask for help. And I think that rule partially comes from a sense of emotional vulnerability, what it feels like when we need help from somebody else toe ask for that is a vulnerable thing because what if they say no? What if they don't want to help us? Or what if we're shamed or judged for needing help? So it's easy for us to fall into this rule of being independent, trying to do things on our own, trying to grit it out, trying to be resilient and, in the end, just struggle unnecessarily, because what we could have done is we could have used the action of intelligent misbehavior of just asking for help, which is actually how everything works. We're not independent, we're interdependent beings, and we depend on each other and other people. So that's the third rule you were born to break. Be independent. The fourth rule you are born to break is stay comfortable, and the stay comfortable rule is empowered by all the devices and technologies and conveniences that tell us you shouldn't have toe work that hard at life. You should be able to just sit back and have things delivered right to your doorstep. Whether it's food or clothes or books or other retail items, you don't have to lift a finger. All you got to do is get to your computer and order the thing, and we'll make you so comfortable that you don't even have to put up with the discomfort off waiting for the thing that you want because we'll have it there tomorrow on your doorstep. But the problem with state comfortable rule is that our bodies are designed to work our bodies air designed to make efforts. And that, in fact, is how we stay healthy and alert and productive and alive is because when we use our body to work in the garden and to get ourselves to our neighbors house or to the store on foot or on a bicycle instead of by car, or show up with for each other and play, ah, game a recreational sport. When we make an effort with our bodies, instead of just being comfortable, we keep ourselves healthy, an alert and bright and strong, and the huge incidents of health risk and hospitalization in disease that is off the chart in our culture, and I'm not. I'm not just talking. I'm not talking about co vid right now. I'm talking about heart disease and liver disease. We suffer with from a lot of diseases that there are. There's a very high incidence of in our culture because we're inactive because we're trying to keep ourselves comfortable. So that's Rule number four that you were born to break, stay comfortable and the action of intelligent misbehavior is to make an effort. The fifth rule that we were born to break is pretend you don't matter and the pretend you don't matter. Rule takes its effect when we convince ourselves that there's so many people out there that one voice, one vote, one person picking up a piece of trash off the street, or one person speaking up when ah parent is being abusive to their child in public, that we don't matter, that it doesn't make a difference, that it's not up to us, that it's not our job to participate as one voice or taking one single action when in fact, our ability to remember that were important. And that's the action of intelligent misbehavior in relationship to this rule is to act important, what you do and what you say matters and it counts. It counts in your family. It counts in your community. It counts in your state and your county and your country. Our voice and our actions even is just one person Make a difference. So pretend you don't matter is the fifth rule you were born to break the six rule you were born to break is stay in control and stay in control. Rule is the rule that tells us if we can just tell other people what to do and be in charge and have people obey us and have things go the way we want them to go, we're gonna be the most safe and the most happy and all the studies of the command and control model, which is a way of doing business and a very old leadership model where the leader is the authority totally in charge. And everyone just does what the leader says without push back. When a leader expects that kind of following from employees, the best result is not achieved and this has been demonstrated through research. Now the best and most successful companies or companies where leadership has true relationship with colleagues and employees and staff, meaning there's an exchange on open exchange of communication and expression and care and concern and listening and reciprocal feedback and collaboration. That's what makes organizations work today, and the same holds true in family environments or any other kind of group setting. If we expect to be the kind of leader where people don't question us and they just do what we say, we're not getting, Ah. Best result in that circumstance and we're not going to be is happy because being in true relationship with other people, being ableto listen and take their perspective into account and then have them listen to us in exchange. That's the most fulfilling, most enjoyable form of relationship that we can experience. So the action of intelligent misbehavior in relationship to the rule stay in control is build relationship, and the seventh and final rule is be popular, and the be popular rule is the rule that says your job is to have a many followers, as many friends on Facebook followers on Instagram, as many likes on your tweets. Your job if you want to survive in this world is to represent those things that the most people are gonna agree with and follow behind you about. That's that's the best way to be. That's the best way to survive is to make sure you stay popular by figuring out which way the crowd is going and then getting out in front of it and representing those things that it's already pursuing. That's the rule. Be popular. And the problem with the be popular rule is that we lose track of the authentic vision that we as an individual, are seeing. What we see is possible as an individual never gets traction, because to do that toe actually give voice and to back up with action of vision that we personally see is very possible that we won't have any followers at first because it's a brand new vision. It's of what's possible not of what has already occurred, and often the people who see something first are alone for a while, and they have to represent it and speak about it and champion that new idea or perspective until people come around and start to see Oh yeah, that that does sound interesting or Maybe that really is a solution we could adopt. But if that if we don't do that, if we don't represent it with courage and a willingness to kind of even stand alone for some time, then it never occurs. So the action of intelligent misbehavior in relationship to the rule be popular is follow a vision. So those are the seven rules you were born to break. And as I'm speaking them and reminding myself, I see that this last one be popular keeps creeping in for me because I do think I frequently think with respect to these episodes, I'm recording what would be something people want to listen to. And what are they gonna what would be a title for an episode that people would click on and would get a lot of listens or maybe get shared and so I can see that I'm part of me is falling prey to I need this toe work. I need for this to be popular, but if I start thinking that way, and don't just talk about what's really there for me to talk about, that in my gut feels like the most important thing to be giving voice to then is not gonna work one just because it won't be me. And I can't sustain something that's just not me. So there you go. Seven rules you were born to break. And the this book, seven rules you were born to break is available on Amazon. If you want to go read the whole book. And in fact, many of the stories that you have heard in these episodes I'm hold on. I'm stopping here because now I'm really nervous. I'm checking my device. Okay? Yeah, it is recording still. You all right? So, um oh, that was traumatic. I'm now. I'm 30 minutes into re recording this 40 minute episode that I did just for myself and the button. The the graph is still going. I still see that. Yes, it is. Recording. Um, So I was saying seven rules you were born to break is for sale on Amazon, and if you want to go buy it and here the full elucidation of these seven rules go get it. Okay. Well, I missed something because now I'm at 33 minutes, and I did I spoke for 40 minutes in that first round, but what I probably just did is condensed and extracted the unnecessary stuff. So you just got the whole the benefit of that whole episode, minus the previous seven minutes that I didn't even need to include. So there you go. It's a win all the way around. This has been Episode 31 of the follow through Formula Podcast. I'm Rick Lewis and I'll be back tomorrow.