What the San Bernadino Shootings Taught Me About Habits and Confidence
Tragedy Strikes
Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015.
Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik, a married couple, opened fire at a holiday party at the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, CA. The horror that followed for the victims, families and friends of the victims, and the surrounding community is beyond what we, as headline spectators, can imagine.
14 dead. 22 injured. Millions stunned.
The entire North American continent felt the reverberations of the act of terror. How? Why?—we all wondered.
Does the media have the habit of sensationalizing things? No question about it.
Yet, here was a story that needed no help to reach out and grab us by the throat, leaving us helplessly heartbroken as we watched stories such as a father weeping on the street after receiving a text from his daughter who had fled into hiding inside the facility center and whom he had not heard from since.
A Sobering Realization
It was the day after the shooting.
It occurred to me that I was booked in southern California to provide a humorous motivational keynote for a coming meeting. I went to my calendar to review the details, wondering what impact, if any, the tragic event might have on gatherings in the area.
Presenting and traveling is a frequent reality for me, and I’m not in the habit of memorizing the locations and clients I’m scheduled to appear for. Upon reviewing the details for this event I realized that it would take place eight days and only 100 miles from the site of the tragic incident.
In addition, my client was the San Diego Regional Center. Part of the same network of regional centers established by the state of California as the one just attacked. The regional center system provides services to residents with developmental disabilities.
And…it would also be their holiday party.
The Habit of Imagining the Worst
While authorities and law enforcement scrambled for motives, suspects, and to keep the public safe, the rest of the world was left to wonder where tragedy might strike next. It wasn’t a stretch to imagine that another regional center holiday party, in close vicinity to the first attack, might not be the safest place a person could decide to go.
I called and left a respectful message for the center contact who had hired me for the event, explaining that I had heard of the extenuating circumstances and had no problem releasing them from their contract should they feel the need to cancel their event.
A few hours later a message was returned, informing me that an emergency meeting had convened to discuss the issue and that the event would proceed as planned.
Honestly, part of me was imagining the worst and hoping the event would not proceed.
The staff of San Diego Regional Center, however, had evidently been practicing a good habit I didn’t have.
Expecting the best.
Working With My Own Mind
Experiencing some personal anxiety about the event I was somewhat surprised they had decided to proceed. I even wondered whether I needed to draw a line myself about my participation. It gave me reason to reflect on my own commitments, to what extent I wanted the presence of fear to inform my decisions, and what my habits really were when confronted with a challenging circumstance.
Deciding to follow through with my appearance after a conversation at home, I packed for the trip.
It was very instructive to see the difference between the fears that wanted to dominate my attention and the reality of being in San Diego, flying to the airport and making my way to the center.
There wasn’t even a momentary feeling of imminent danger, though if I had followed my habit to imagine the worst, I might have stayed home.
Who Is Inspiring Who?
Finding my event contact at the center I asked if there were any changes I needed to know about. I was told that 500 staff members had been invited, but they had no idea how many would actually show and that I would have to go with flow and adjust accordingly if the audience were smaller, maybe much smaller than planned.
I completed my set up and sat out of the way to watch the guests arrive. They arrived early. And they arrived in throngs. And they kept coming. They hugged, put on the silly hats to have their pictures taken together in the photo booth, talked, laughed and celebrated.
The event featured a lengthy award ceremony, honoring those who had been loyally serving the center for 15, 20, 30 and 40 years! Each person was introduced by a colleague who had known them well and regaled the crowd with stories of the honorees dedication, perseverance and performance.
There was a line up of dedicated staff being honored for their consistent and reliable contributions to the organization. For their habit of service.
A bus driver who hadn’t missed a single day of work in 30 years! An office manager who had been with the center for 40 years, showing up, day after day to serve the needs of the developmentally disabled in San Diego.
The Good Habit of Showing Up
It struck me, watching the awards ceremony, how irreplaceable the habit of showing up is to a life of happiness and freedom.
Habits, by their nature, are strengthened and fortified by consistency. Consistency is achieved by a vision. And a vision is the work of a committed team; communicating, collaborating and living their gratitude for being able to serve a cause they believe in.
This department obviously had a habit of showing up, both as individuals and as an organization. And they inspired me to reflect on the habit-components of “showing up.”
Remain deeply connected to your why.
Never ignore what intersects with that why.
Invest with discipline in your process and routine.
The Questions We Struggle With
The self-help world is full of “answers” for the perennial questions of growth.
How do I stop procrastination on tasks?
How do I keep up a new habit when I want to stay comfortable?
What habits should I prioritize in my life?
It occurred to me after my trip to San Diego that these questions will always persist and remain unanswered for us until we connect to a significant why.
It just takes one heart-filled purpose to offset those reasons to stay home, to quit, to give up, to play it safe and wait for the perfect conditions to participate. That same purpose will clarify the disciplines and routines we need to invest in.
I had been hired to provide a message of inspiration to this group of employees, but I was the one being lifted up by the culture of this organization.
They had demonstrated the one master secret of creating powerful habits. They have to have heart.
With gratitude to the San Diego Regional Center.